Monthly
by geektime66
Summary: When Scully leaves she promises that she will be back each month because she can never truly leave Mulder


Disclaimer: I don't own the X Files so please don't sue me. I have nothing.

Note: Here is a one shot that summarize my thoughts on the break up and the time in-between then and the revival. It has not been looked over so be kind. Hope you enjoy!

Monthly

Her promise to him was that she would come back. Not to stay, she never promised that. She was too afraid to promise that.

What she promised was that once a month she would come to check on him. She did this for both of them. She felt such guilt at leaving without the promise of seeing him again. She wondered if she was a terrible person for leaving someone so sick.

For the two years before she finally left she had tried desperately every day to get him back to himself.  
The last straw came when he yelled at her for trying to initiate sex. That day she had realized that they had not had sex in almost 6 months and the time before that had been angry and fast and was followed by sleeping as far from him as she could. She wondered when they had last actually made love and couldn't even remember.

That day like all of the others she found him lying in bed staring blankly at the celling.

Her heart broke as it always did and she just wanted to hold him. She knew he wouldn't let her do it, he didn't like her attention anymore, but she needed it. She needed to hear the sound of his heartbeat, to feel his breath in her hair, and feel the warmth of his arms to remind her that he was even alive.

She greeted him and it was returned with a small grunt. She took off her shoes and moved toward the bed and got in under the covers next to him. She saw him stiffen as she got in but he didn't move.

She slowly moved over to him and tentatively reached out her hand to take hold of his. He limply let her hold it and so she continued to move toward him. She pulled his arm out and put it around her so she could pull her body up against his.

Her heart leapt when he moved his hand to lie on her back.

They laid like that for some time neither saying a word.

Scully's head lay right over his heart and she could hear it thumping slowly. Her hand lay next to her head on his bare chest and she found herself at some point start to move her fingers through his chest hair.

He didn't stop her and she wondered if she could try to kiss him, she couldn't remember when they'd had a real kiss.

She began to slowly move her hand down to his stomach and it slowed even more as she reached the waistband of his boxers. His heartbeat had sped up slightly and his hand began to even move slowly over her back and so she moved her hand further south.

When she laid her hand over his penis she was not surprised to find that he was not hard, since the depression had fully taken hold it had taken a lot longer for him to get hard.

She did not let that stop her and she took hold of him and began to move her hand up and down.

She did this a few times before he grabbed her wrist forcefully. The move had surprised her and she gasped.

"No." He growled now looking down at her.

"Mulder just let me take care of you. Please it has been so long." He had not let go of her wrist still and his fingers were digging in so hard that it was starting to hurt.

"I don't care, I don't want to." He began to push her away but she resisted and even moved closer, yanking her hand free and pulling her arms around his neck.

She buried her head in his neck, "Mulder please I just want to be near to you. We don't have to have sex but don't push me away, let me in."

"Scully get off me!" He said angrily and untangled her arms from his neck, "Just leave me the hell alone!"

For months Scully's heart had been slowly breaking as he pushed her away but with this it completely crumbled. She felt rare tears running down her face, "Mulder look at me! Please! I know you are in pain and I want to help you! Let me help you. I am your partner, your wife let me in." She begged him and tried to take hold of his hand before he pulled it away and turned his back to her.

"Just go away Scully."

She didn't respond as she got out of bed. She still didn't speak as she began to pack her clothes into suitcases and neither did he.

Scully knew that it was time. He didn't want her help and staying was just making it worse for the both of them but the pain still nearly brought her to her knees as she walked her first suitcase to the car.

At some point he had turned to watch her pack and he did so with dead eyes.

Once everything was in the car she came back in the bedroom and sat gingerly on the bed.

"Mulder, I'm leaving." She looked for a reaction and saw none, "I will be back in a month and I don't care what you say. I will bring food and check on you."  
She tried to reach for his hand but he pulled it away.  
He was now looking at her dead in the eyes and his gaze was no longer lifeless but was filled with distain, "You've been dying to leave for a long time now. Surprised it took you so long."

She felt her eyes fill but blinked the tears back, " I have never wanted to leave, I love you, but I have to leave."

He once again turned away from her. She sighed and got up.

She moved to his side of the bed and moved some of his overgrown hair from his eyes and kissed his forehead, "I'll see you in a month."

The first couple times she came he pretended that she was not there. She stocked the fridge with fresh groceries and cleaned out the old food. She filled the freezer with frozen meals and picked up around the house for a bit.

At the end of those visits she would go to him and kiss his head in a silent goodbye.

On her third visit he actually seemed happy to see her, although he tried to hide it. When she finished and went to say goodbye to him he looked her in the eyes.

"Thank you." He said simply.

She didn't respond but just ran her hand over his hair ad kissed his head.

As the months went on he actually would talk to her when she would come.

On her sixth visit he was waiting outside for her on the porch swing.

Scully was surprised to see that he was fully dressed and he smiled at her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him outside.

On her eight visit they fought. He seemed ready for an argument from the moment she entered and he accused her of abandoning him and wanting to leave him. She listened patiently for a half hour until she finally began to fight back.

That time instead of a nice goodbye she slammed the door on her way out.

The next time she saw him, on her ninth visit, they both said sorry and he began to ask her to come home.

This then became a pattern for them. They would fight and then he would ask her to come back.

She didn't mind fighting. It was so much better than the stony silence and despair. When he fought it showed that he at least cared.

Whenever he would ask her to return she would tell him that she couldn't return until she knew that he was getting help and was ready to actually work on their relationship.

He told her when he began to see a therapist and was going to start taking medication.

Her final visit before Skinner had called them back to the FBI she had found him healthier that he had been in a very long time. It was her fourteenth visit since she had left and it was when she began to consider moving back.

Scully reflected on all of these things as she lay in a bed in a motel in Oregon. She felt Mulder's chest rising and falling against her back and felt his breath in her hair and she smiled contentedly.

This is how she liked her Mulder.


End file.
